#4 Ectopic Pregnancy, Dexter’s Story and Parenting a Dead Child with Ruth Hopkins

This week’s interview is with Ruth Hopkins who describes herself as an eternal optimist, despite having been through a complex baby loss journey including a traumatic ectopic pregnancy, miscarriage and the stillbirth of her son, Dexter Bear.

This episode may be particularly helpful if you’re wondering how you can parent a child who isn’t there for others to see, or if you’re wanting to support someone whose child is about to be stillborn. As a word of warning, there’s also a bit of dark humour!

In the interview, we talk about:

• Ruth’s first pregnancy, which was ectopic and led to her experiencing a traumatic rupture of her fallopian tube. (7:34)
• Falling pregnant with Dexter, having her waters break at work at nearly 24 weeks, finding out Dexter had died and giving birth to him. (17:24)
• How Ruth and her husband made memories with Dexter after his birth and what she wishes she’d known. (34:48)
• Going on to have a further miscarriage and the challenges of waiting for their rainbow baby. (42:59)
• Keeping smiling through grief and loss, honouring Dexter’s memory and finding joy with him alongside them – including Dexter’s travels, cremation jewellery and Dexter’s bench. (47:36)
• The challenges of parenting a dead child and other people’s expectations. (1:05:07)

You can connect with Ruth on Instagram @ruth_and_her_bear and read her blog.

In the introduction, I mention the Northumberland Endurancelife event my husband and I are running this weekend to raise money for Tommy’s in Skye’s memory. You can support us here.

If you have any suggestions for guests for the podcast or you’d like to come on to talk about your experience of baby loss and legacy, I’d love to hear from you. As well as talking to parents, I’d love to talk to grandparents, other relatives or friends who’ve been affected by the loss of a child about their experiences. You can email email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com or get in touch on me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/) or Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints).

For a transcript of the podcast, please visit our website https://footprintsonourhearts.com/.