Footprints On Our Hearts

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A podcast about baby loss, legacy and learning to live again. Alison Ingleby interviews parents who've experienced stillbirth, miscarriage and infant death and the professionals who support them

Episodes

Friday Jan 29, 2021

#50 Stillbirth, Faith and Facing Death with Asma Bi

Friday Jan 29, 2021

In this week’s episode, I chat with Asma Bi about her daughter, Sujdah, who was stillborn in 2018, her Islamic faith and how this helped her grieve. In the same year that Sujdah passed, Asma suffered an extreme allergic reaction to medication which she barely survived. We discuss how this terrible experience helped her accept and be at peace with Sujdah’s death.

In the interview, we talk about:

Asma’s pregnancy with her daughter, Sujdah, and the events leading up to finding out she had passed away. (6:12)
Meeting Sujdah after she was born. (17:07)
How her family supported her and Asma’s belief that her daughter is with God. (21:32)
Asma’s experience of grief in the early weeks (23:27)
Travelling to Pakistan to be with her husband and suffering an extreme allergic reaction to medication (25:52)
Being diagnosed with toxic epidermal necrolysis, returning to the UK and being close to death (31:41)
Why Asma decided to write a book about her experiences (39:07)

You can connect with Asma on Instagram @angelmommy17022018 and buy her book, My Stillbirth Yet Still Here, on Amazon.

If you have any feedback on the show, suggestions for guests or would like to share your story, you can connect with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/), Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints) or email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com. If you enjoy the podcast, please leave a rating or review on your podcast app! You can support the show on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/footprintsonourhearts

Friday Jan 15, 2021

#49 Fibroids, PAPP-A and PTSD with Christina Rothwell

Friday Jan 15, 2021

In Episode 49 of Footprints on our Hearts, I talk to Christina Rothwell about her experience of losing her baby daughter during the Covid-19 pandemic and the impact the changes to maternity care had on her pregnancy.

In the interview, we talk about:

Getting pregnant and finding out she had a fibroid on the outside of her uterus and low PAPP-A (6:27)
Going in for a repeat scan at 21-weeks and finding out her baby had died. (24:53)
Being given a tablet to prepare her body for labour and going in to give birth (31:38)
Deciding not to meet her baby, then changing her mind after she was born (39:44)
Meeting Peanut and feeling scared about what she’d look like (49:11)
Getting the post-mortem results but still not getting certainty over why she had died (53:49)
Christina’s experience of PTSD and how therapy has helped her overcome her trauma (56:14)

You can connect with Christina on Instagram @christinarothwell.

**I’ll be moving to fortnightly interview episodes for the next few months with additional solo shows or special episodes slotted in between. If you’d like to support the podcast and help me keep putting out episodes, please consider becoming a patron of the show - https://www.patreon.com/footprintsonourhearts **

Friday Jan 08, 2021

#48 Living with Loss in 2021

Friday Jan 08, 2021

Episode 48 of Footprints on our Hearts is a special solo show on living with loss in 2021. I think we can all agree that 2020 for most people was a really tough year, and I very much hope that 2021 sees a return to a normality that involves hugging, human interaction and not being trapped inside our homes!

I’ve spent the past couple of weeks reflecting on my grief journey over the past year and on how we can balance living our best life while allowing ourselves space to grieve. It’s something I’ve talked about with some of my podcast guests and I wanted to share my thoughts and theirs with you.

How can we choose happiness while living with loss? How do we build a life that meets our needs and includes the babies we hold in our hearts?

In the episode, I talk about:

Choosing a word of the year to help you focus on the person you want to be and take control of your life (9:15)
Creating time and space for grief (15:00)
Habits and daily practices (18:10)
Dealing with overwhelm (25:02)

I mention the following books:

Atomic Habits by James Clear
Rising Strong by Brené Brown
Untamed by Glennon Doyle
The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron

Friday Dec 18, 2020

#47 Mackenzie’s Story and Pregnancy After Loss with Robyn

Friday Dec 18, 2020

This week, I talk with Robyn whose daughter, Mackenzie, passed away when she was just two months old as a result of an undiagnosed heart defect. We also talk a lot about Austin, Mackenzie’s younger brother, his fight for life and why Robyn has never thought of him as her “rainbow baby”.

In the interview, we talk about:

Robyn’s pregnancy with Mackenzie and what she was like as a baby (6:24)
The events that led up to Mackenzie’s passing (9:47)
Being questioned after her death and the botched autopsy (18:52)
Falling pregnant with her son after struggling to conceive and finding out he had problems with his heart (31:34)
Moving city to give birth to her son who had open heart surgery when he was just 36 hours old (41:12)
Robyn’s pregnancy with her youngest daughter (52:48)
How they remember Mackenzie (54:05)

I’ll be taking a break from the podcast over Christmas and the New Year, but will be back with the next episode on January 8^th. If you’re wanting to listen to more baby loss stories over the festive period, please check out the backlist of 46 episodes!

Thank you for your support over the past year and special thanks to my patrons who help me keep the podcast going. I wish you all a gentle Christmas.

Friday Dec 11, 2020

#46 Sawyer’s Story, Hydrops and Mirror Syndrome with Emily

Friday Dec 11, 2020

In Episode 46 of Footprints on our Hearts, guest host, Chainie Jackson talks to Emily about her son Sawyer, who was diagnosed with hydrops during the second trimester of her pregnancy and sadly passed away shortly after his birth.

In the interview, they talk about:

Being told at their first scan that Sawyer had fluid around the back of his neck (4:02)
Finding out Sawyer had hydrops fetalis and having various tests to determine the severity of his condition (10:22)
Meeting with a panel of doctors and making plans to give Sawyer the best possible chance (24:15)
Being admitted to hospital with severe swelling, finding out she had mirror syndrome and having to have an emergency caesarean section (29:02)
Being told that Sawyer had passed away and meeting him for the first time (43:56)
Spending time with Sawyer in the hospital (48:50)
Emily’s favourite memories of her son (53:40)

You can connect with Emily on Instagram @sowingseedsofsawyer.

Friday Dec 04, 2020

#45 PPROM, a Bicornuate Uterus and Poppy’s Story with Jenna Johnson

Friday Dec 04, 2020

This week, I talk to Jenna Johnson about her daughter, Poppy Hope, who died just 26 hours after birth in May 2020. Jenna was told Poppy was likely to die shortly after a premature rupture of membranes at 12 weeks, but Poppy proved to be a fighter and made it all the way to 33 weeks before arriving into the world.

In the interview, we talk about:

Jenna’s bicornuate uterus and her pregnancy with her first child, Daisy (5:40)
The early weeks of her pregnancy with Poppy and discovering she had premature rupturing of her membranes at 12 weeks (16:37)
The impact of PPROM and being given a choice between miscarrying naturally or terminating her pregnancy (26:20)
Research, second opinions and clinging to hope (30:22)
Going into lockdown and the impact of Covid-19 on her antenatal care (40:50)
Going into labour at 33 weeks, being left in triage alone and Jenna’s emergency c section (48:52)
Poppy’s 26 hours of life (1:03:10)
Making memories as a family at Claire House Hospice (1:13:14)

You can connect with Jenna on Instagram @Jenno01.

This week, I’ve put out a request for a volunteer editor! If you’re interested in helping me deliver the podcast and can commit to editing at least two episodes a month for three months, please get in touch. Full training will be provided.

Friday Nov 27, 2020

#44 Edwards’ Syndrome and the Importance of Language around TFMR with Jessica

Friday Nov 27, 2020

In Episode 44 of Footprints on our Hearts, guest host, Chainie Jackson talks to Jessica about her son Hector who was diagnosed with Edwards’ syndrome. As well as talking about Hector, they discuss the language used to deliver bad news and how this can affect parent’s perception of what their options are particularly around medical terminations.

In the interview, they talk about:

Jessica’s pregnancy with Hector and finding out he was high risk for Edwards or Patau syndrome (7:13)
Why the label “incompatible with life” doesn’t always give parents the full picture (9:32)
Finding out Hector had a high probability of Edwards’ syndrome (17:04)
Deciding not to terminate her pregnancy and battling with medical professionals who had written him off (28:42)
Finally getting support for Hector from a consultant who treated him like a baby (37:50)
Finding out that his placenta was failing and having to change his care plan (40:24)
Having an emergency delivery and spending three hours and four minutes with Hector before he passed away (44:24)

In the intro I talk about Meghan, Duchess of Sussex opening up about her pregnancy. I mention that this is the first time I’ve heard of a member of the royal family talking about baby loss, however I need to correct that – both Sophie, Countess of Wessex and Zara Tindall, the Queen’s granddaughter have spoken out about their own experiences.

Friday Nov 20, 2020

#43 Coping with the Festive Season and Remembering Our Babies at Christmas

Friday Nov 20, 2020

This week, I have a special episode with thoughts and suggestions for how you can survive the festive season, involve your children in your celebrations and find happiness at this difficult time of year.

Although this episode is centred around Christmas, many of the ideas and suggestions are applicable to any festival or special occasion that you celebrate. These times of the year have so many hopes and dreams wound up in them that they can be really tough whether your loss is recent or many years ago.

I talk about:

Letting go of expectations
Coping with the build up to Christmas and 24 ideas for Advent to Remember
How you might want to include your baby in your family’s Christmas celebrations
How family and friends can support bereaved parents at this time of year

You can find out more about Advent to Remember on Instagram @thelegacyofleo or on The Legacy of Leo website: https://thelegacyofleo.com/adventtoremember/

Most importantly, please do be kind to yourself this Christmas. I hope this episode gives you some ideas and support for getting through the festive season and you can find some joy amongst the sadness and loss.

Friday Nov 13, 2020

#42 Overcoming Grief Through Faith, Art and Sport with Jenedy Paige

Friday Nov 13, 2020

In Episode 42 of Footprints on our Hearts, guest host, Karl, talks to Jenedy Paige about grief, her Christian faith, creativity and sport. Jenedy is a professional oil painter, a runner, weightlifter and Ninja Warrior. Her eldest son passed away in 2011 following a tragic accident when he was just three and a half years old.

Jenedy is really open and honest about how her faith was challenged in the aftermath of her son’s death and how she worked through this. Whether you are a person of faith or not, Jenedy has some great advice and practical tips on what helped her move through her grief and how she was able to let go of her broken heart. I found the interview both inspiring and full of hope that there can be life after loss.

In the interview, we talk about:

The death of Jenedy’s eldest son and how she struggled with her faith in the months afterwards (7:08)
How journaling, art and running helped her through her grief (12:35)
How Jenedy and her husband kept their relationship together and the importance of date nights (29:50)
Battling PTSD and how faith helped her let go of her broken heart (37:55)
How they keep her son’s memory alive (43:25)
Competing in Ninja Warrior in memory of him. (46:10)

You can connect with Jenedy on Instagram @jenedypaige and find her artwork on her website: jenedypaige.com.

Friday Nov 06, 2020

#41 Wallace’s Story, Infertility and Adoption with Julie Beicken

Friday Nov 06, 2020

In Episode 41 of Footprints on our Hearts, I talk to Julie Beicken about her son, Wallace, who was stillborn at 37 weeks in 2019. Most mothers are induced to give birth to their stillborn child, but Julie chose an abdominal birth (caesarean section) for reasons she explains in the interview. We also talk about grief, endometriosis and exploring adoption.

In the interview, we talk about:

Julie’s pregnancy with her daughter, Suzy, and coming to terms with having an emergency caesarean section (10:40)
Getting pregnant with Wallace and how her pregnancy went (15:22)
Finding out that Wallace had died and deciding to change her birth plan to have an abdominal birth (18:00)
Meeting Wallace after his birth (37:08)
How Julie’s grief has evolved over the past year and how it was different to her grief after her mother’s death in 2011 (42:30)
Struggling to get pregnant again and deciding to look into adoption (51:30)
Scattering Wallace’s ashes and having places to go to remember him (58:24)

You can connect with Julie on Instagram @rememberingwallace.

In the intro, I talk about National Fertility Awareness Week, a return to lockdown and making sure you feel safe at work if you’re currently pregnant. The template letter you can use to write to your employer and other advice on your legal rights can be found here: https://pregnantthenscrewed.com/covid-19/write-to-your-employer-risks-for-pregnant-women/