Footprints On Our Hearts

#31 Counselling and Mental Health Support After Baby Loss

This week, I have a special episode with Karen Burgess, the Chief Executive and Founder of Petals, the baby loss counselling charity. We talk about grief, counselling and therapy after pregnancy or infant loss, some of the dark emotions that go alongside this and how the support Petals offer is different from more general counselling that may be available in your local area.

Karen is truly passionate about bereaved parents getting the support they need after losing a baby. Whether you’ve recently lost a baby, are still struggling years down the line or want to know more about the support that’s available, I think you’ll find this podcast episode really valuable.

As part of our conversation we talk about:

• Why Karen founded Petals and the importance of specialist support after baby loss (5:53)
• The difference between counselling and other forms of therapy (16:08)
• How the support Petals offer is different from general counselling and why it’s not as simple as “just grief” (20:50)
• The dark emotions that go alongside baby loss – guilt and shame (31:40)
• Anxieties around official records of mental health support and when the best time to seek counselling support is (42:16)
• How to go about finding counselling or other mental health support (49:56)
• How family and friends can support bereaved parents through their grief journey (55:05)

You can find out more about Petals, including how to access support and how to donate and support their work on their website: https://petalscharity.org/

I wanted to particularly mention the Petals Pioneers fundraising campaign that Petals are currently running to provide free online counselling services to people across the UK. This will make their specialist bespoke support available to more people who need it. Find out more: https://www.crowdfunder.co.uk/help-petals-pioneer-online-baby-loss-counselling

A huge thank you to my new patron this week, Hayley, and big thanks to all my patrons who help me keep the podcast running. Find out more at https://www.patreon.com/footprintsonourhearts

#30 Stillbirth, Miscarriage and Coaching Angel Moms with Amy Watson

In Episode 30 of Footprints on our Hearts, I talk with Amy Watson, a life coach who specialises in supporting women who’ve experienced baby loss. We talk about the two children Amy didn’t get to bring home – Lauren and River – and how their deaths affected her older children. She also has some very wise words on allowing ourselves to feel a full range of emotions.

In the interview, we discuss:

• Amy’s pregnancy with her fifth child, Lauren, and finding out her heart had stopped beating (14:35)
• Giving birth to Lauren and bringing their children in to meet their sister (20:33)
• Grieving Lauren while supporting her family and being pregnant with her rainbow baby (26:05)
• Her pregnancy with River, missed miscarriage and difficult recovery from a D&C (36:07)
• Remembering Lauren and River as part of their family (46:10)
• Learning to find joy and happiness again (50:25)
• Setting up her life coaching business to support baby loss moms (53:18)

You can connect with Amy on Instagram @amy.smoothstonescoaching and find out more about her coaching and podcast on her website https://smoothstonescoaching.com.

In the introduction, I talk about the indirect effects of Covid-19 and lockdown on occurrences of stillbirth and give a big shoutout to my wonderful new patrons!

To support the show and access exclusive patron benefits visit https://www.patreon.com/footprintsonourhearts.

If you have any feedback on the show, suggestions for guests or would like to share your story, you can connect with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/), Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints) or email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com.

#29 Onyx’s Story, Ofrendas and Parenting After Loss with Ariel

This week, I chat to Ariel about her son, Onyx, who died shortly after he was born due to premature labour. After several previous experiences of pregnancy loss, Ariel chose to be intentional in her grief after Onyx’s death and she’s done a lot to honour his memory.

We also talk a bit about pregnancy and parenting after loss and how Ariel included Onyx in her daughter’s birth.

In the interview, we talk about:

• Ariel’s first two experiences of pregnancy loss – a missed miscarriage followed by a second miscarriage (12:10)
• Falling pregnant with Onyx and going into labour at 20 weeks and 3 days (19:30)
• Experiencing a placental abruption and giving birth to Onyx (25:24)
• The first few weeks of grief and choosing to grieve intentionally (33:25)
• Taking part in the Fourth Trimester Body Project just a few weeks after Onyx’s birth (35:13)
• Honouring Onyx’s memory as part of the Day of the Dead / Day of the Little Angels celebrations (40:36) – read more in her blog post
• Ariel’s experience of pregnancy after loss and how she included Onyx in her daughter’s birth (46:40)
• The challenges of parenting after loss (52:32)

You can connect with Ariel on Instagram and Facebook and find out more about Onyx’s story and parenting after loss on her blog, A Rainbow From Onyx and her YouTube channel.

In the introduction to the podcast, I have a sensitive announcement to make, plus I’m asking for your help to keep the podcast running.

You can now support the podcast on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/footprintsonourhearts

If you have any feedback on the show, suggestions for guests or would like to share your story, you can connect with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/), Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints) or email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com. If you enjoy the podcast, please leave a rating or review on your podcast app!

#28 Pre-eclampsia and Stillbirth During a Pandemic with Alexa Mosberger

In this week’s episode, I talk with Alexa Mosberger about the stillbirth of her daughter, Beatrice, at the height of the Covid-19 pandemic in the UK.

I am so grateful to Alexa for coming on to the podcast so soon after Beatrice’s death to share her experiences. Losing a baby at any time is a traumatic experience, but the added complexity of lockdown restrictions and loss of face-to-face support from both family and professional organisations makes navigating loss and grief even more difficult.

In the interview, we talk about:

• Alexa’s pregnancy with Beatrice and going into lockdown a week before the rest of the UK (16:10)
• Worries about how the pandemic would affect their maternity care and birth, trying to juggle home schooling and working from home while heavily pregnant (20:10)
• Waking up in the night, realising Beatrice wasn’t moving and going in for a check up (30:36)
• Finding out that Beatrice had died and being diagnosed with pre-eclampsia (34:23)
• Being induced and giving birth to Beatrice (47:20)
• The impact of lockdown and not being able to see her parents (59:47)
• How being in a lockdown bubble delayed the impact of grief and affected her judgement of risk (1:03:48)

In the intro, I talk about the new Consensus Guidelines on the Communication of Unexpected News Via Ultrasound which were released this week. It includes advice for sonographers on how to approach communicating uncertainties and bad news to parents and examples of phrases they could use. If you’d like to read the document, you can find it on the Sands website: https://sands.org.uk/about-sands/media-centre/news/2020/08/explaining-unexpected-baby-scan-news-expectant-parents

If you have any feedback on the show, suggestions for guests or would like to share your story, you can connect with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/), Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints) or email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com. If you enjoy the podcast, please leave a rating or review on your podcast app!

#27 River’s Story, Lesbian Parenting and Travelling with Grief with Jaimie-Lee Roy

This week, I have a long-distance interview with my first Australian guest! Jaimie-Lee Roy’s daughter, River died just 32 hours after being born prematurely in 2019. Jaimie-Lee’s wife’s pregnancy with River was far from straightforward and we discuss the challenges of being the non-birth mother during pregnancy, River’s birth and after she died.

In the interview we talk about:

• Their decision to start a family and finding out they were pregnant (05:00)
• Pregnancy complications and being told their baby was going to die at 13 weeks after premature rupture of membrane (11:25)
• Continuing with the pregnancy, knowing River would be born prematurely (27:33)
• Being admitted to hospital at 25 weeks (37:17)
• Her wife being rushed into theatre and being left in a room not knowing whether either Lisa or their baby would live (49:13)
• Meeting River and then having to say goodbye to her 32 hours later (56:25)
• Going home and struggling with loss of support, in particular for what Jaimie-Lee had been through as the mother who didn’t carry River (1:17:17)
• Going travelling in a converted bus, coming home and having to learn to live again (1:24:25)

You can find out more about River’s story and connect with Jaimie-Lee on Instagram @jaimieleeroy.

 

If you want to know more about the route to lesbian parenting and the legalities of donor conception and same-sex parenting in the UK, I recommend this blog post on The Legacy of Leo website.

 

In the introduction, I talk about the Jonah Bichotte Cowan law which was recently passed in the New York State Assembly and Senate. You can find out more here.

#26 How to Support Grieving Parents through Baby Loss

Today, I’m joined on the podcast by Katie Ingram for a special episode on talking about baby loss and how to support grieving parents. If you know someone whose child has died and you’re not sure what to say or how to support them, this episode may help.

 

Katie has recently launched the No Words campaign to help create a public dialogue around baby loss. We talk about the things people say or don’t say when your baby dies and the impact that can have when you’re grieving.

 

As part of our conversation we talk about:

• Our own experiences of baby loss
• What the No Words campaign is all about
• Why everyone will know someone who has experienced pregnancy or infant loss
• Talking about baby loss and why it’s so important
• The uniqueness of baby loss grief compared to other types of grief
• How to support grieving parents – what to do and say
• How to support grieving parents – what not to do and say

You can find out more about Katie’s No Words campaign by following the hashtag #NoWords on Instagram or visiting her website (where you can also get your own No Words t-shirt!): https://withoutottilie.com/nowords/. Katie’s Instagram account is @withoutottilie.

 

Please do share this episode to help us break the silence and help family and friends support loved ones who have lost a baby.

#25 Recurrent Pregnancy Loss and Male Factor Infertility with Will Rivera II

This week, I chat with Will Rivera II about his five-year journey through recurrent, unexplained pregnancy loss, male factor infertility and why he and his wife decided to start Fertility in Colour – a platform for women and men of colour who are battling recurrent pregnancy loss.

In the interview we talk about:

• Deciding to start a family and Will’s response to their first loss – a missed miscarriage at 8 weeks – and their four further losses (7:48)
• In the limbo of undiagnosed pregnancy loss and medical testing and struggling to get support from doctors (17:30)
• The challenges black and brown people face relating to infertility and pregnancy loss and learning to advocate for yourself (26:05)
• Male factor infertility and why it’s so hard for men to speak out about this (36:15)
• His experience of grief and why the support men need can differ from the support women need (45:40)
• Why Will and his wife decided to set up their platform, Fertility in Colour (53:35)

You can connect with Will on Instagram @fertilityincolourmen. You can also read his letter to his wife and other mothers on the blog: https://www.fertilityincolour.com/blog.

You can find out more about Fertility in Colour on their website (https://www.fertilityincolour.com/), Instagram (@fertilityincolour), YouTube and Facebook.  

In the introduction, I talk about a special project close to my heart and how you can help! More details are on the podcast website footprintsonourhearts.com.

If you enjoy the podcast and find it helpful, please do leave a rating or review on iTunes or your podcast app.

You can connect with me via email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com or get in touch with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/) or Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints).

#24 Morwenna’s Story, Sunflowers and Jewellery Making with Lucie Thompson

In Episode 24 of Footprints on our Hearts, I talk to Lucie Thompson whose daughter, Morwenna, was stillborn in September last year at 37 weeks.

Many parents worry about the impact of their baby’s death on siblings and we talk a lot in this episode about how Morwenna’s death affected her older sister, Illiya. We also chat about how Lucie has worked through her grief over the past seven months.

In the interview, we talk about:

• Lucie’s previous experience of pregnancy and birth and her pregnancy with Morwenna (4:05)
• Finding out Morwenna had died and giving birth to her (13:25)
• The impact of Morwenna’s death on their daughter, Illiya (35:40)
• Why they chose to have Morwenna cremated (42:47)
• Channelling her grief into gardening and jewellery making (46:38)

You can connect with Lucie on Instagram @luciesheppard and find her jewellery, including the necklace she designed for the baby loss community, on Etsy at My Little Bea Jewellery. Her shop is also on Instagram @mylittlebeajewellery.

If you have any feedback on the show, suggestions for guests or would like to share your story, you can connect with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/), Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints) or email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com. If you enjoy the podcast, please leave a rating or review on your podcast app!

#23 Damani’s story and Creating a Baby Loss Community in Jamaica with Crystal-Gayle Williams

In this week’s episode of Footprints on our Hearts, I talk to Crystal-Gayle Williams about her son, Damani and creating a baby loss community in Jamaica.

Damani was delivered very prematurely after Crystal-Gayle developed sudden, severe pre-eclampsia and HELLP syndrome and sadly passed away two days after birth. After Damani’s death, Crystal-Gayle searched for a baby loss community in Jamaica and found nothing. So she set one up!

In the interview, we talk about:

• Getting pregnant and her pregnancy (9:35)
• Developing severe pre-eclampsia and HELLP syndrome and being told she’d have to have an emergency c-section (12:51)
• Preparing for her surgery, waking up and being unable to see her son (22:55)
• Finally seeing Damani on the day he died, two days after his birth (26:30)
• What support she received from the hospital after Damani died and why baby loss is a taboo subject in Jamaica (34:40)
• Her experience of grief in the early weeks and months and creating 4Damani (40:25)
• When she first started to speak out about her experience, creating a baby loss community and campaigning to get Jamaica to recognise pregnancy and infant loss awareness month (48:06)

You can connect with Crystal-Gayle and learn more about 4Damani on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter or on her website https://4damani.wordpress.com/.

I found this conversation with Crystal-Gayle hugely inspiring and I hope that wherever you are in the world and whatever you experience of baby loss, it helps you feel a bit less alone in your grief.

If you enjoy the podcast, please leave a rating or review! I do read them, and it helps inspire me to keep putting out these weekly episodes. You can get in touch with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/) or Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints) or email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com.

#22 Evalyn’s Story, Returning to Work and Sands United with Nick Lang

In Episode 22 of Footprints on our Hearts, I talk to Nick Lang about his daughter Evalyn who was stillborn in November 2016. We talk about grief, connecting with other bereaved fathers and Nick’s experience of pregnancy after loss.

In the interview, we discuss:

• Finding out that their second daughter, Evalyn, had died and Evalyn’s birth (6:24)
• Breaking the news of Evalyn’s death to their son (19:31)
• Grieving and struggling with being back at work after Evalyn’s death (27:32)
• Setting up Sands United Solent and how it’s helped bring grieving dads together (35:37)
• Running the Great South Run with an empty pushchair with Evalyn’s name in it (41:05)
• Nick’s experience of pregnancy after loss (50:43)

You can find Nick on Instagram @diaryofalossdad and Facebook.

If you have any suggestions for guests for the podcast or you’d like to come on to talk about your experience of baby loss and legacy, I’d love to hear from you. As well as talking to parents, I’d love to talk to grandparents, other relatives or friends who’ve been affected by the loss of a child about their experiences. You can email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com or get in touch with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/) or Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints).