Footprints On Our Hearts

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A podcast about baby loss, legacy and learning to live again. Alison Ingleby interviews parents who've experienced stillbirth, miscarriage and infant death and the professionals who support them

Episodes

Friday Apr 17, 2020

#12 Ike’s Story, Early Grief Milestones and Marathon Running with Hayley Bennett Stanley

Friday Apr 17, 2020

This week, I chat to Hayley Bennett Stanley about her son, Ike, the rollercoaster of grief and why she chose to run a marathon in his memory.

Ike was born in August 2019 and I’m really grateful to Hayley for coming on the podcast to share his story and her experiences just eight months after his death.

In the interview, we talk about:

Getting pregnant and relaxing into her pregnancy (6:55)
Experiencing bleeding and finding out Ike had died at 26 weeks (15:00)
The waiting time and giving birth to Ike (23:09)
The ups and downs of grief and what Hayley and her husband decided to do on Ike’s due date (38:14)
How she feels grief prepared her for dealing with the current coronavirus pandemic (48:47)
Running a marathon solo when her event was cancelled (54:53)

If you find the podcast useful, I’d really appreciate reviews on iTunes or other podcast apps and please help me spread the word by sharing the episode on your favourite social media channels.

If you’d like to get in touch with me, you can message me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/) or Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints) or email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com.

Friday Apr 10, 2020

#11 Coping with Grief, Anxiety and Loss During the Coronavirus Pandemic

Friday Apr 10, 2020

Welcome to Episode 11 of Footprints on our Hearts. I’ve got a special episode for you today. I felt that I couldn’t just carry on putting out weekly interviews without really addressing the impact of the current coronavirus pandemic on those of us belong to the baby loss club.

So this is going to be a solo show, in that you’ll just have me talking, but it’s not just about me. I’ve asked others about their experiences and spent hours reading about how other bereaved parents are feeling right now and, most importantly, how they’re staying sane!

I’ve divided this episode into five segments:

Grief, anxiety and covid-19
What happens when you can’t visit your baby’s resting place
Celebrating birthdays and other special occasions
Support if you’ve recently lost a baby
Pregnancy after loss during a pandemic

I’ve put pregnancy after loss at the end as I know some of you may want to skip this part. I’ll give you a warning before we move onto that segment so you can stop your podcast player if you don’t want to listen.

If you find this episode useful, please share it with others and I’d welcome any feedback. I’d also love to hear how your finding life and adjusting to our new normal. You can email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com or get in touch on me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/) or Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints).

The transcript of this podcast containing all the links I mention is online at https://footprintsonourhearts.com/episodes.

Friday Apr 03, 2020

#10 Henry’s Story, Supporting Bereaved Dads and Pinecones with Chris Binnie

Friday Apr 03, 2020

We’ve reached Episode 10! This week, I chat with Chris Binnie about his son Henry, a dad’s perspective on loss, grief and pregnancy after loss and how health care professionals can support Dads better.

Chris has so many words of wisdom particularly around things such as memory-making and society’s expectations of how men “should” grieve. While Chris is obviously talking from the perspective of a male parent, I’m sure some of what he says will also resonate with mums in a same-sex relationship who weren’t the parent carrying their baby.

If you have a friend who is a midwife or doctor who comes across bereaved parents, I’d love it if you could share this episode with them. It definitely opened my eyes and made me think about things differently.

In the interview we talk about:

Chris’s experience of losing his first child, his son, Henry. (7:47)
How midwives and other professionals can better support dads after loss and the importance of making memories vs being given memories. (20:57)
Bottling up grief and how society’s expectations can affect how men grieve. (32:56)
Chris’s experience of pregnancy after loss and the stress of a complicated pregnancy, premature twins and parenting living babies. (41:35)
Pinecones, Beyond Bea and why he chose to speak out about his experiences of baby loss. (54:05)

You can find Chris on Instagram @pine_cones_and_study_days – he’d love to hear from other dads who’ve been affected by baby loss.

Find out more about Beyond Bea at https://www.beyondbea.co.uk/. The charity is also on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. I’d also recommend listening to Episode 6 which is an interview with Beyond Bea’s founder, Steph Wild.

If you enjoy the podcast, I’d really appreciate it if you could leave a review on your podcast app. You can connect with me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/) and Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints) or email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com.

Friday Mar 27, 2020

#9 Benedict’s Story and Supporting a Sibling Through Grief with Lucie Burns

Friday Mar 27, 2020

This week, I talk to Lucie Burns about her daughters, Merry and Willow, and her son, Benedict, who died during labour in 2012.

As well as talking about Benedict’s story and his legacy, we also talk about how Lucie and her husband spoke about him with Merry, who was three when Benedict died. If you’re wondering how to support siblings after a loss, you may find this episode useful.

In the interview we talk about:

The mental and physical challenges Lucie faced with her first pregnancy and the birth of her daughter, Merry. (4:06)
Her pregnancy with Benedict, his birth and finding out he had died. (15:49)
How she broke the news to Merry and coping with grief while keeping life going for her. (28:36)
Pregnancy after loss and how Lucie approached this mentally and shared information with Merry. (37:32)
How Lucie found Sands and what she’s done in Benedict’s memory to help other bereaved parents. (47:15)

You can connect with Lucie on Instagram @polksaladlucie.

Friday Mar 20, 2020

#8 Extremely Premature Babies and the Heartbreak of Losing a Twin with Sarah Playle

Friday Mar 20, 2020

In Episode 8 of Footprints on our Hearts, I talk to Sarah Playle about the challenges she faced in her four pregnancies, giving birth (twice) to very premature babies and the unique sense of loss that comes when one of your twins dies.

In every podcast we talk about legacy, but I think Sarah’s words at the end of this podcast, when she talks about the greatest gift that Rosie has given her, are some of the most poignant I’ve heard. They definitely had me tearing up!

In the interview we talk about:

The challenges she faced in her first pregnancy, which ended in miscarriage, and her second pregnancy, when she gave birth to her son, Indy. (7:17)
Finding out she was pregnant with twins and going into labour at 25 weeks. (13:57)
Rosie and Isla’s delivery at 25+3 weeks and finding out Rosie was stillborn. (19:04)
Isla’s fight for her life in NICU and the early days of parenting an extremely premature baby. (23.15)
Grieving Rosie, why they delayed her funeral and empty arms. (28:44)
A fourth complicated pregnancy and Felix arriving at 28 weeks. (34:55)
Sarah’s grief journey and the unique sorrow and joy of losing an identical twin. (46:31)
Talking to siblings about loss and Rosie’s greatest gift. (53:46)

In the episode, I mention Brené Brown’s short video on the difference between sympathy and empathy.

Sarah recommends the book Sam and Finn by Kate Polley for talking with a surviving twin about their brother or sister. You can also get personalised versions.

In the podcast introduction, I talk about Mother’s Day, coronavirus and why we need to support each other in these difficult times. In the words of Victor Hugo, “Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise”.

I also mention a selection of free books that I collated for my readers. You can check them out here.

Friday Mar 13, 2020

#7 Infertility, IVF, an Incompetent Cervix and Cecil and Wilfred’s story with Sophie Martin

Friday Mar 13, 2020

In this week’s episode of Footprints on our Hearts, I talk to Sophie Martin about infertility, being a midwife and her twin sons, Cecil and Wilfred, who died shortly after they were born.

I haven’t had to go through IVF so I’m incredibly grateful to Sophie for sharing her experiences of IVF so openly. If you haven’t experienced infertility yourself, I’d recommend listening to her story so you, like me, you can better understand what many women have to go through on their journey to bring home a baby.

In the interview we talk about:

Infertility and what’s involved with IVF (9:36)
Finding out she was pregnant with twins, struggles with morning sickness and anxiety (19:28)
Going into premature labour at 21 weeks and giving birth to twins (26:23)
The initial weeks of grief and going back to work seven weeks after giving birth (34:50)
Having a Transabdominal Cerclage (TAC) – a cervical stitch – and going back for IVF round two (40:20)
The impact of infertility on mental health – grief, staying positive and the fear of being pregnant (43:54)

You can connect with Sophie on Instagram @the.infertile.midwife.

In the introduction, I mention Dancing in the Wings, a play about baby loss. Tickets are still available here for the final performance next Friday 20^th March in Chester, Cheshire.

If you’re currently pregnant, you may want to look at the information issued by the Royal College of Obstetricians & Gynaecologists about COVID-19 (coronavirus).

And I give a shout out to the Finally Pregnant podcast hosted by Cat Strawbridge (@tryingyears) who talks to women about their experiences of pregnancy after infertility or loss.

Question of the week: when was the last time grief hit you out of the blue? For me, it always seems to hit when I go on holiday…

Friday Mar 06, 2020

#6 Becoming a Midwife, Compassionate Induction and Beyond Bea with Steph Wild

Friday Mar 06, 2020

In Episode 6 of Footprints on our Hearts, I talk to Steph Wild about her daughter, Bea, who had a rare brain condition. Steph and her partner had to make the terrible decision to go through a compassionate induction (also known as medical termination). We also talk about Steph’s experience of working as a midwife both before and after Bea died.

Even within the baby loss community, termination for medical reasons feels like a bit of a taboo subject, so I’m very grateful to Steph for discussing her experience so openly, in particular, how she fought to ensure that her daughter passed away as peacefully as possible.

Steph Wild is a midwife and the chair and founder of Beyond Bea, a charity she set up in memory of her daughter to provide free training to help healthcare professionals better support bereaved parents.

In the interview we talk about:

Why Steph decided to become a midwife and her experience of baby loss leading up to her pregnancy (3:55)
Her pregnancy with Bea, finding out that Bea had a very rare brain condition and having to make an impossible decision (18:08)
The impact of Bea’s loss being before the 24-week date when she would have been registered as stillborn (39:50)
The challenges of going back to working as a midwife after losing your child (43:55)
Why she set up Beyond Bea and how the charity has grown over the past two years (55:20)

You can find out more about Beyond Bea, including the services they provide and how you can donate or volunteer at https://www.beyondbea.co.uk/. The charity is also on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.

Friday Feb 28, 2020

#5 Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Choosing Happiness with Emma Jefferys

Friday Feb 28, 2020

In Episode 5 of Footprints on our Hearts, I talk to Emma Jefferys about her daughter, Amelia, finding hope in grief and volunteering with Sands.

Emma is a life and business coach who also volunteers with Sands to provide bereavement support for parents who’ve lost a child. Her daughter, Amelia, was stillborn in 2012 and she has a living child, Ophelia, who is six.

In the interview we talk about:

Emma’s experience with miscarriage and stillbirth (6:38)
Her grief journey after Amelia’s death and how her friends and family helped her through this (26:02)
The lowest point of grief, reaching the crossroads and how she chose happiness (30:40)
The rollercoaster of pregnancy after loss (33:43)
Why Emma decided to volunteer with Sands (39:20)
How her experience of losing Amelia led to her quitting her job to work for herself (44:41)

You can find out more about Emma’s coaching business at Action Woman (https://www.actionwoman.co.uk/) and connect with her on Instagram @action__woman.

In the interview, I talk about Brené Brown’s book Rising Strong and her popular TED talks on shame and vulnerability.

For a transcript of the podcast, please visit our website https://footprintsonourhearts.com/.

Friday Feb 21, 2020

#4 Ectopic Pregnancy, Dexter’s Story and Parenting a Dead Child with Ruth Hopkins

Friday Feb 21, 2020

This week’s interview is with Ruth Hopkins who describes herself as an eternal optimist, despite having been through a complex baby loss journey including a traumatic ectopic pregnancy, miscarriage and the stillbirth of her son, Dexter Bear.

This episode may be particularly helpful if you’re wondering how you can parent a child who isn’t there for others to see, or if you’re wanting to support someone whose child is about to be stillborn. As a word of warning, there’s also a bit of dark humour!

In the interview, we talk about:

Ruth’s first pregnancy, which was ectopic and led to her experiencing a traumatic rupture of her fallopian tube. (7:34)
Falling pregnant with Dexter, having her waters break at work at nearly 24 weeks, finding out Dexter had died and giving birth to him. (17:24)
How Ruth and her husband made memories with Dexter after his birth and what she wishes she’d known. (34:48)
Going on to have a further miscarriage and the challenges of waiting for their rainbow baby. (42:59)
Keeping smiling through grief and loss, honouring Dexter’s memory and finding joy with him alongside them – including Dexter’s travels, cremation jewellery and Dexter’s bench. (47:36)
The challenges of parenting a dead child and other people’s expectations. (1:05:07)

You can connect with Ruth on Instagram @ruth_and_her_bear and read her blog.

In the introduction, I mention the Northumberland Endurancelife event my husband and I are running this weekend to raise money for Tommy’s in Skye’s memory. You can support us here.

If you have any suggestions for guests for the podcast or you’d like to come on to talk about your experience of baby loss and legacy, I’d love to hear from you. As well as talking to parents, I’d love to talk to grandparents, other relatives or friends who’ve been affected by the loss of a child about their experiences. You can email email alison@footprintsonourhearts.com or get in touch on me on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/footprintsonourhearts/) or Twitter (https://twitter.com/skyesfootprints).

For a transcript of the podcast, please visit our website https://footprintsonourhearts.com/.

Friday Feb 14, 2020

#3 Infertility, Edward’s Syndrome, Mental Health and Reaching the End of the Road with Philippa Davies

Friday Feb 14, 2020

If you’re struggling to get pregnant or you’ve lost a child, you dream of the day you’ll bring a living baby home. Whatever we go through, we cling to that hope. But what happens when there is no more hope? When you reach the end of the road without a living child in your arms?

Philippa’s story is one of the most heartbreaking I’ve come across. But it’s a tale that needs to be told, because not every story has a happy ending.

Introduction

Philippa Davies is the author of Dancing in the Wings, a play based on Philippa’s experience of infertility and baby loss. Dancing in the Wings is showing across theatres in North Wales and Cheshire during February and March 2020.

In the interview, we talk about:

Undiagnosed polycystic ovary syndrome and struggles with getting NHS support for fertility treatment. (7:25)
Philippa’s daughter, Sam, who was diagnosed with Edward’s syndrome. How Philippa chose to make the most of her pregnancy and the story of Sam’s stillbirth in January 2012. (11:55)
Deciding to try again and IVF round 2. (30:57)
Falling pregnant naturally, writing A Cookie for Christmas and losing another baby. (34:04)
Philippa’s struggle with grief, PTSD, depression. How she searched for support and finally stumbled across Hope House. (37:11)
Reaching the end of the road and feeling more hole than human. (46:30)
How she came to write Dancing in the Wings. (53:28)

We talk about grief and I mention the sculpture, Melancoli, which can be found in Geneva, Switzerland.

You can connect with Philippa on Twitter @PhilippaWriter.

Dancing in the Wings is being performed at the following theatres:

Theatr Clwyd, Mold

27^th-29^th February 2020. Tickets: www.theatreclwyd.com or 01352 701521

Tŷ Pawb, Wrexham

6^th-7^th March 2020. Tickets: www.typawb.wales/or 01978 292144

Galeri Caernarfon

13^th March 2020. Tickets: www.galericaernarfon.com or 01286 685222

The Forum Studio Theatre, Chester

20^th-21^st March 2020. Tickets: www.chestertheatre.co.uk or 01244 341296